TheGutterPup

Went to the Prerelease yesterday. It was exciting. Place was grillin' hotdogs, and they were free. So obviously I was all, "Hell to the yea, processesed meat by product with mustards!" My innards pleased with the offering of delicious fleshpork, a took a seat to wait for registration. We showed up early to get some of that free food all up in.

Have any of you seen the show Invader Zim? If so, do you remember the character Iggins? Yea? Well that character exploded from the frames of the show and sat down right next to me. Foooor serious. I couldn't understand a word this kid said, but he was obviously excited. I nodded. He squealed/spoke/garbled his terrible shrill cries. All creatures got -12345/-123445, and I discarded my brain.

Got some games in with Goblin Lobbin', and owned face like I had the controlling share of face stocks, or like I was the CEO of face inc. The facemaster. Anyway, that deck kicked ass all over the place, and I was pleased in the same way a father might be pleased when he watches his child kung-fu the shit out of an entire room full of bears.

So then the we all sat down and started crackin' packs. Iggins squealed out the name of every card he got until pretty much the entire event told him, in unison, "Seriously, dude. Shut the hell up." It was one of those moments like in those 80s movies where the whole football teams stands up for the morally right choice and starts a slow-clap, except it was more about rage and frustration and less about racism/cheating/someotherstuff.

I pulled a decent haul. No mythics, but some good trade fodder. My mission for the night, I had decided earlier, was to just pull enough cards to A) Manicure my Goblin Lobbin' deck, and B) trade for store credit to fund my next FNM. I'm trying to support my habit without having to resort to back alley antics of shame and perversion.

So anyway, I drafted strong Green and White, 3 Yeva's Forcemage, Yeva herself, Captain of the Watch, some more knights and soldiers and stuff. It looked good. ... what I didn't notice was a fatal flaw that would haunt me for the entire event. Of all the cards I got, in all six boosters, only two of them were one drops, and they were blue.

That turned out to be important when you're trying to control the tempo of combat and push damage. My 'tempo' of combat couldn't begin until T3, really, and because of that I got UTTERLY OBLITERATED IN ALMOST EVERY GAME I PLAYED. I mean. It was brutal.

I didn't start winning until I spashed red and blue randomly. Then, somehow, my deck was all...work.

Yea, it was bad.

However... as soon as the event ended I was waving cards around to trade like an insane tilt-a-whirl of card trading. I pulled all the cards I wanted for my Goblin Deck, and then traded in the rest of the rares for enough store credit for FNM. Taadaaa!!

So I go and lose every game I play with this draft failure, and still accomplish my mission. Me gusta.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again... Goblins are the greatest. They're super cheap, super versitile, and still a relevent deck to compete with. Did I mention they're fun? They are. To be honest, I can't see myself not playing Goblins. It's like... they complete me. They had me at hello. I have short term memory loss and wake up every morning only to forget that I love them, but they make a romantic gesture and patiently remind me that we're married and have kids. Like I'm a classroom full of innercity kids with no hope for the future, and it teaches me to learn with tough love, understanding, and little bit of swagger. Like I'm an altruistic cop gunned down by the mob, but it gives me a second chance at revenge by replacing my destroyed body with a kick-ass police robot. ... I could go on.

Anyway. Had about a million fun, even though I lost. It was still a good time.

And that's what I'm all about.